Do Over

I am a worrier, an over-thinker, a semi-perfectionist, an all or nothing, a dreamer, and a protector. I think most of us worry and over-think things, but sometimes it can be more than overwhelming. We question life and wonder what else we should be doing. Like there's some greater mission we should be on. I feel as though I should be changing the world but I just don't know how. Do you?

So what do I worry about? I worry about who reads my blog and who doesn't. I worry about my social status and my lack of trend setting abilities. I worry about social events and why I don't get invited to certain ones. I worry about looking like a fool. I worry that I didn't do something right. Did I leave something unfinished?

Then there's my perfectionist side that wants to do everything right and be everything I think I should be. Let me just make sure this looks just right. I don't like to make things good enough, close, or usable. I want to make sure it's done right; the way they should be. My clothes need to be folded a certain way. The dishwasher can't be overloaded. Laundry must be separated. Everything has a place. I vacuum at least once a day and sweep at least twice. I can't leave the house until the counters are wiped down. And most importantly the toilet paper has to roll over the top- never under.

When I'm involved with a project I have to be all in or I want nothing to do with it. My biggest pet peeve is being a part of something that no one tells me anything about. I want to be involved and I'm ready for any task but then an event or meeting happens and I know nothing about it. There is no "i" in team people. There's we and we all need to be on the same page. There's also a leader who needs to step up and make sure everyone is included. That's why I like to lead and not follow. I just want to know what's going on.

Then this turns into over-thinking.

What's wrong with me? Did I miss a text or email? Did I make someone mad? Am I not funny enough? Is my hair too messy? Should I dress a certain way? Lose weight? Be more outgoing? Do they think I'm not going to follow through? Did they not really want me to be involved?

Then I go in to my day dreamer mode.

Well forget all the naysayers and haters because I have an awesome core group of friends that love and understand me. I don't need handfuls of fake friends. I'm going to travel and run all my destination races. I'm going to start backpacking with T and we're going to have real life experiences. Maybe I'll live like the Alaskan bush people and leave everything behind. Nah. Hahaha that was a good one.

I mostly worry about the world my kids will grow up in. Which is why I can't worry about all of these insignificant things. I'm not going to raise my children thinking the world is perfect and it revolves around them but I am their role model. They build their strong foundation with their parents. I want to teach them to be strong and independent. I want them to travel and see this grand world. I want them to love unconditionally. I want them to see beyond the small town life filled with drama and minor heartbreak. I don't want them to be over-thinkers or worriers. I just want them to be happy.

Live your life. Be who God made you. If you still aren't sure who that is than just do what makes you happy. That's the you you're suppose to be. Don't worry so much. Each morning starts a new day so have a do over. I'm going for a do over tomorrow.

And please remember that everyone wants to be included. So go out of your way to say hi or start up a conversation. You never know what kind of friendship you may build from a simple gesture.