Sometimes the road behind us is a rough one. One filled with potholes, steep hills, sharp turns, road blocks, dangerous obstacles, and bad weather. For almost a year I have been traveling down the same rough road day after day. Although I have ventured far and soared up and over many hills I have yet to lose sight of the beginning of this road. Day after day I have been reminded of how it all started and I desperately needed a new road to travel on.
About 10 months ago I was in the wrong place at the wrong time and to this day my head is still spinning from the confusion. I was torn apart by someones anger, resentment, fabrication, and unkind words. My life has not been quite the same ever since and about 4 weeks ago my "road" seemed to end at a brick wall. The wall stretched to eternity in every direction and there was nowhere left to go. I was burnt out from training and I just couldn't get my mind in a good place. None of it
made any sense. No one else seemed to care except for me but no one really knew what was going on inside my head either. Mike had a new job that he loved, our kids were happy and healthy,
I had awesome friends, and lots of support around me...things were finally falling into place.
But one major piece of our dream puzzle was missing. Me.
made any sense. No one else seemed to care except for me but no one really knew what was going on inside my head either. Mike had a new job that he loved, our kids were happy and healthy,
I had awesome friends, and lots of support around me...things were finally falling into place.
But one major piece of our dream puzzle was missing. Me.
I've never had much confidence, been really outgoing, or had handfuls of friends. None of that ever mattered to me. I just wanted to be a good mom, wife, sister, and most of all someone I could be proud of. I was hurt so badly by two individuals and it made me question every single aspect of my life. For years I've seen the bullying, disrespect, and coldheartedness but now it was aimed at me. It's so unbelievably painful but the worst part is they just don't even care. They have moved on with their life as if we never existed. Although I still don't understand why this all happened I know
that I have to move on as well. Not just for myself but for my family and friends who do love me.
that I have to move on as well. Not just for myself but for my family and friends who do love me.
The week leading up to the marathon was awful. I went on 4 fire calls, got a cold, got my period, fell down the stairs, had a panic attack, and missed a day of work because of a snowstorm. Everything seemed to be working against me and I felt that if anything more could go wrong it would. I wanted the marathon to be done. My goal seemed so unachievable as many miles were missed. I was sick of running and I was doubting my ability. Even with 20 weeks of training, completing 60 days of Insanity, and running 30 miles in one shot...I was doubting everything.
To be continued...
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