Don't Pants Your Poop

The Marshall County State Fair kicked off last night so the family headed over to watch the parade, eat some greasy food, and check out all the crazies. During the parade my sister started texting me about her day. She always cracks me up with her one of a kind stories and experiences that only seem to happen to her. She's going to kill me for sharing this but since I'm going to share my story we can suffer together.

Sister: "Every time I ride that bike into the driveway I crash right into the garbage can."

Me: "What kind of bike? The kind without brakes?"

Sister: "It has brakes. I just seem to forget how to use them sometimes." 

Sister: "I am not a very good bike rider. Yesterday when I was leaving work I headed down the hill (cobblestone) and went to pick my wedgie which for some reason made me hit the brake with my other hand. I almost flipped right over the handlebars. Thank goodness I landed on my feet. Lots of people around so I grabbed my water bottle and pretended I meant to do that little trick."

The funniest part of this story is that I can actually imagine her doing this where my readers probably can't see Miss Fancy Pants clumsily trying to look graceful. I had to share her text with my friend who was with me and she requested her phone number. A sense of humor is such a great quality in a friend.

Today was a rare occasion for me because I got to share a story of similar humor with her...

Fair food is not a good option for someone with IBS who has to run 10 miles at 5 a.m. the next morning. Yes I'm talking about myself. But what's a Fair without Fair food? I had a chocolate shake, sweet potato fries, and one mini donut. Although I felt pretty good during the first two miles of the run my stomach quickly decided it didn't want to cooperate anymore. I'm just going to name my stomach "beast". So Beast starts making noises and although I should have just turned around to head back home Beast and I continued on. It was a beautiful morning and despite my struggle to get out of bed I was happy to be out on the road. To my dismay Beast slowly got worse and before I knew it I really had to go to the bathroom. Not unusual as I've done it before. However, this time I had no cover- no trees, no buildings, nothing. I looked in all directions for vehicles approaching but it was clear for miles. I knew holding it wasn't an option and I was not going to pants my poop (you get it).

I tried to be as quick as possible but sometimes it just doesn't work out as planned. As I was crouched down in wipe mode I heard a noise. I had hubby's phone with me playing music so I really couldn't hear the approaching car until it was really close. I assume since I could see the car then the driver could probably see me. I stood up quick, pulled up my shorts, and basically did the head up whistle to the sky move. Yep nothing going on here. Just standin' around in the middle of nowhere at 6 a.m. I might have even kicked the dirt around with my foot a little. I realized my shorts were twisted and not really on my waist but luckily my shirt was long enough to cover that. So when the car passed I adjusted and got the heck out of there. Pretty sure I scarred them for life. It reminded me of something that would happen to my sister, except she never runs far enough away from a bathroom. If she did I just know the stories would be entertaining.

If you're grossed out by all of this then you should probably stop reading my blog because this will not be my last bathroom story. It happens. Lots of runners do it- just not in Newfolden maybe. Well honestly I know there are a few so don't judge. I need to learn how to overcome the Beast because I'm not going to sit at home and watch TV. I just can't eat Fair food...or really anything fattening and/or greasy. Not sure that encounter was better than almost flying over handlebars but at least my sisters pants stayed up.


Comments

  1. I can picture this whole scene. Between your sister and you, there is always a hilarious moment!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment